I have 2 bulldogs and they fart a lot. ……ALWAYS. The sad part is I can tell the difference between their farts. Is this the same for kids? After I smell a fart….I look at the dog who did it and he or she looks at me like “ha that’s right…that was me mom!!!”
I want to meet your parents. You are hilarious. There has to be something in your childhood that made you this funny!!! Lord knows my Dad not allowing my brother to cut his hair ever past the “sidepart” length…or putting him on a stool for 2 hours every day when he was in Kindergarten because he “couldn’t sit still” (says his teacher) made him a funny man. This post is awesome and so is your family. God bless your wife.
Oh my god this is amazing and hilarious.Some day in the near future, this conversation will happen…
Boone: Papa, tell us about how you proposed to Mama.
Me: Well, son. I was dressed as The Crow.
Wyatt: What’s The Crow?
Me: It’s a character from a movie… no, wait. It was a comic book first, but they made a movie of it—
Boone: What’s a comic book?
Me: You know those stories with all the pictures you read on your Read-O-Matic 5000 device?
Wyatt: Yes.
Me: Those used to come in, like, a floppy magazine form. Anyway, they made a movie of it… I’m getting off track. I was dressed as a guy who comes back from the dead to avenge his lover’s death.
Wyatt: So, you thought that was the perfect attire for a marriage proposal.
Me: It was kind-of spontaneous.
Wyatt: Please tell me this was for Halloween.
Me: It was.
Boone: What was Mama dressed as?
Me: She… um, I don’t know. Some kind of sexy goth librarian or something. Ask her.
Wyatt: So, that was the night you guys decided to get married.
Me: Uh, no. She didn’t say yes.
Boone: But, she obviously did eventually.
Me: A year later, yes… Hey, if I were her, I would’ve waited, too.
Oliver has been extremely cute and cuddly lately, which is a nice turn from the whole “I want to eat your face off and I don’t give a shit I will even do it in public so don’t temp me” phase. He’s been letting me hug and kiss him with only minimal exorcism-worthy growling and hair eating. I was…
LOVE IT. One of my bullies Cilla has too big of a tongue for her mouth…it’s out all day long. Classy act she is.
I just found out that my sister has now done this 3 times…this year.
A follow up to this post - I came up with an analogy for making this sort of mistake.
I feel like making this mistake is very similar to putting food in your mouth, chewing it up, and then forgetting to swallow it. “Oh, I TOTALLY forgot I was eating that food in my mouth.”
You know….this is just mean. I am converting to the Amish due to my inability to responsibly drive a car. Yes Britney Spears..you win.
